"Discovering Peace"- an honest book about adoption

I’m happy to be part of Jennifer Holt’s blog tour for her new book “Discovering Peace.”

First things first. Jennifer Holt is my sister and I love her books. If you are hoping to get an unbiased review of “Discovering Peace” then you aren’t going to get it from me. Of course you should read “Discovering Peace” which is the sequel to “Delivering Hope” which you should also read.

The adoption and infertility story genre is an interesting thing. I’ve read a fair few of these books and found most of them to be frustratingly pedestrian or else outright offensive.

Here’s the thing: My wife and I, like many members of my family, Jennifer included, have struggled with infertility. My wife and I finally have a son after a decade of heartbreak and struggle. We didn’t adopt, however. One day my wife discovered, against the predictions of medical professionals, that she was pregnant. We had been going through the arduous process of adoption but jumped out when we discovered the pregnancy. Jennifer had a similar story but stayed in and she has her two sons to thank for that. We didn’t feel it was right for us so we jumped out. Different people, even closely related, have different needs and different paths to follow when forming a family.

That is one crux of the matter. A lot of adoption stories paint a picture as in “This is how life should be.” Granted I may be looking for trouble as I approach such books with more than a bit of defense.  “No,” I say to the books and the authors who write them. “Your explanation of the process is dishonest because it presupposes that you are the world and your experience is the end-all.”

The other problem is how authors treat the concept of having a baby, however that baby is brought into a family, as a divine reward for good living and, on the other end of the scale, how not having a baby is divine punishment for gross sin. These two issues are total B. S.

Getting pregnant is 100 percent biological. Sure, in the dark nights were you are awake only with feelings of sorrow and hopelessness the fears that maybe the reason everyone else in the world gets babies while you get nothing- yes, you will wonder what you did wrong or how you are unworthy. That is a truthful feeling to represent but so many of these adoption or infertility stories use that as a story device. “Oh,” the book says. “If only the husband didn’t look at pornography when he was in high school the family could have a baby.” Or “If only the wife didn’t decide to have a career.”  These are two real examples of plotlines in infertility stories. I’m not suggesting that looking at porn is in any way comparable to a woman choosing to have a career.

The thing about Jennifer’s book is that it confronts these emotions, emotions lesser books use as their main thesis, and turns them around showing that not only are these concepts not the truth, they are barriers to the ultimate truth- that is the ultimate truth of Jesus Christ’s atonement.

These points are driven home hard including a particularly terrifying scene featuring a rose and an object lesson. If you liked the hard talk in Jennifer’s first book you’ll love this one.

So! In “Delivering Hope” Olivia and Michael adopt young Ally’s unexpected pregnancy baby Hope and everything seems to be just about perfect. I’m so glad Jennifer decided to go on with the story.

One of the main strengths of these books is how realistic and non-cliché the characters are and in 
“Discovering Peace” the realism takes center stage. Turns out, Olivia’s insecurities brought on by infertility didn’t magically go away after she adopted Hope- even though she had a very real confrontation with the Atonement. Likewise, Ally’s self esteem and shame didn’t magically go away because she happened to follow exactly what her Bishop told her to do.

Also, having your name on an adoption list is a hard thing to do. It’s all about waiting for someone else to decide the fate of your family. This book also showcases one of the tougher elements I found of being on an adoption list- the marketing yourself as a family. Don’t just wait, look. Hand out cards saying you are looking for a baby and if anyone happens to have one to spare… Mix that with the judgmental nature adoptions have to have and it can be infuriating.

That’s the hard and brave thing to try and show in a story that, ultimately, is supposed to inspire people facing adoption in its various iterations. You can do everything right and still feel wrong- that’s just how it is.

Likewise, the characters themselves are heartbreakingly real. Ally, especially, is kind of dorky around guys she likes though she is far from a cypher for reader- or author- projection. She is startlingly real as she cheers at a BYU football game with a guy she likes but worries about sitting next to him. With that reality, an almost banal reality, as the basis of the story all other aspects work that much more believably.

After all, the story is about adoption and infertility but it’s also about how life just doesn’t always go the way you thought it should- and that’s for the best. From Ally’s mantra of  “I can do hard things” comes the lesson that life in general is a hard thing and, yes, we can do it.

So! Go visit Jennifer’s blog at www.authorjenniferannholt.com . She is offering a giveaway including a $20 gift card to Amazon and a prize pack including a signed copy of both of her books. I’d enter but I already have signed copies. Cuz she’s my sister and she has to give that kind of stuff to me.

Also, to order the book HERE!!!!. Go do that now why not. 

Everyone should live their life like I do.

The other day I was at the grocery store when I noticed this woman behaving in a way that always just irritates me. This woman, with two kids in tow, was shopping from a list she typed out on her iPhone. She would inspect the iPhone, go to a location in the grocery store, and then pluck the item from the shelf like a heron eating a discarded tomato from some four-year-olds BLT.

Normally I keep my mouth shut in the face of such monsters because I'm a pretty great and understanding guy but this time I had to speak out.

“Look,” I told the lady. “I bet you think you are something special, wandering around with kids and iPhone store lists and whatnot, but that's not how things work in the real world. In the real world you wander up and down the aisles in the grocery store at random trying to remember what it is you need before realizing halfway home that you forgot the item that served as the impetus for the trip in the first place.”

More and more I'm noticing a troubling trend in our country and, in fact, the entire world. People behave in a matter different to how I behave and that is wrong.

When I was a kid, my parents raised me in a very particular way and that is what made me obviously perfect person I am now. Of course they were wrong insomuch as how I currently live is somewhat different to how they lived at the time but somehow I made it through.

Let's talk about how kids today are treated. They are doing things differently than how I did it. Heck, some of the stuff they have today wasn't even invented when I was a kid. I got by just fine on a SNES that my friend owned and I don't know why kids today need anything invented after 1991. That's why kids today have all the problems they have. These problems wouldn't exist if they all lived like I lived. We didn't have those problems. I know. I was there and was perfect.

What about parenting methods? Now that I have a child I'm glad I can put an end, once and for all, to the countless debates parents are having online about how kids should be raised. Studies show that if you raise your children like I do then they will turn out to be amazing supermen and women in no time. Choice of diet, education, activities and so forth can cause all sorts of debate and dilemma- which is just idiotic because I know the answers and will give them freely while using simplistic and illogical arguments to belittle those who do things differently.

Marriage. My marriage is obviously perfect and how my wife and I interact with each other is the only way to go. Frankly, if your first date didn't involve Islands of Adventure and if you didn't participate in a fake Mardi Gras parade then you might as well call up a divorce lawyer right now because you did it wrong. It's like the old saying goes: “The family that acts the most like Josh's stays together.”

You know all those things people hate yet apparently still happen everywhere? Things like every kid getting a prize just for showing up or TV shows ruining the fabric of American culture? You know why those things happen? Because people don't act like me. I don't give out awards just for showing up nor do I make horrible, fabric ruining TV shows- and whats more I'll never be in a situation where I could do any of those things. Boom! Problem solved.

Politics too. I think i's a sad sad picture when so many people get so involved in a process when it's obvious that our founding fathers intended a system of government that is exactly what I understand it to be. For example, chikkety-check out this quote from founding father Thomas Jefferson:

“It is my firm belief that this country will rise or fall based on how closely we follow what Josh Huntsman has to say.”

Go ahead. Argue with a dead president!

How do I know I am correct about all of this? Studies. That's right, studies. I got all sorts of studies all up in here. Don't expect me to link to them, but I may. I may link to some studies reported in totally trustworthy research sites like joshisalwaysright.comand dowhatjoshsays.com and even the more legitimate lookingjoshalwasyhastheanswer.org. If you have studies that contradict what I have to say, they were obviously funded by the opposition and hence completely devoid of significant content.

So if you are having a tough go in life, just slow down and start participate in some activities that I participate in. If everyone did, the world would be perfect.i