Vegan Like Me Part 1: It Starts.

This morning when I woke up I was a vegan. At least I think so. I don’t know if there is some sort of badge I need to send out for or a test I need to take.

Let me explain.

This Bacon McDouble represents the last meat I'll eat all summer. It was celestial. Obviously. 

I’m a proud omnivore. I grew up on a beef farm. I’m all about eating meat. I love meat. I love cheese. I love milk. I love honey. I’m not the biggest fan of vegetables. I like them now and again, so long as they are to the side of a big hunk of dead cow. I love rare steaks. I love hamburgers. I really love bacon cheese burgers. Sometimes for dinner, I just cook up a mess of ground beef, add a bit of brown gravy and eat the whole thing over a little bit of white rice. Sometimes I even eat the rice.

I don’t have any ethical issues with meat or animal products. There are some issues that probably need to be addressed but all in all I think our food animals are treated alright. I’ve been to some of the biggest dairies and feedlots in the country and I didn’t see anything that made my stomach crawl.

So why do I say I woke up a vegan? Because for the next three months I’m going to try my darndest to live like a vegan. Why? A couple reasons:

1.     It’s a social experiment. There are some real health reasons to be a vegetarian, but veganism is purely political. It’s not about health, it’s about having a beef (so to speak) with how animals are treated. I want to know what it’s like to give up so much tasty and convenient food for no biological reason. I have some friends at work who just can’t eat gluten. They want to, but they can’t. Sometimes they sit close to me as I eat doughnuts. It makes me a bit uncomfortable but what can ya do? If they ate gluten they would pay for it later in a most unpleasant way. Vegans can eat animal products, but they choose not to. I want to understand what that’s like so that’s one reason. I usually view vegans and wackos. Lately I’ve realized maybe it’s important to be able to empathize with the wackos.

2.     I want to be more mindful of what I eat. Look, I know eating a pound of ground beef isn’t a good meal. Tasty but not good. I’ve never really paid much attention to what I eat other than trying to make it as tasty as possible. I’m 35 and, according to the officials, obese. I’m 6’ tall and weight 225 pounds. I should weigh under 180.  Let me be clear, I’m not going vegan to lose weight, but I am hoping that this exercise where I have to pay close attention to everything I put in my body will translate to real-world skills where I don’t just eat whatever tasty thing is in front of me before I balloon out of control.

So that’s that. I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing. I only know a few vegan recipes and only recently leaned what a Quinoa was. I do have a few things going for me:

1.     Smoothies. I love smoothies and when I make them they usually don’t have any meat or dairy in them. No matter how bad things get I know I can make a smoothie.

2.     Junk food. Lots of junk food is also vegan. If I’m going nuts wishing I could eat something that didn’t include Kale, I can grab an Oreo.

3.     It’s summer and most of the best fruits and vegetables should be available.

4.     Carrots. Carrots are pretty much the answer to everything. Crave something sweet and crunchy? Have a carrot! Looking for something long and orange to eat? Have a carrot! Want a steak? Just eat a carrot instead! Hankering for some fudge brownies? No! Just eat a carrot!

Anyway, as time goes by I will update, assuming I have the energy to even move my fingers.

Right now I’m feeling alright. I had a nice smoothie for breakfast and an unhealthy, but still vegan, lunch of a peanut butter sandwich, potato chips, carrots and pickles. We’ll see how things go from here.