Vegan Like Me Part II: Are humans suppose to feel like this?

I’ve now gone seven days as a Vegesaurous, which I think is a cooler and tougher sounding name than Vegan. Still, no one knows what you're talking about when you say Vegesaurous so I’ll stick with Vegan. At least out loud. Inside I’m a vegesaurous.

I feel different, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing. My energy is all over the place. I swing from periods of intense energy, we’re talking five RedBull energy levels, to periods where I can’t lift my arm off the couch. I’m not hungry all the time like I seemed to be before, but I’m not satisfied ever. I can finish a tasty, huge meal of vegetables, fruit, and grain and feel full, but not satisfied.

And then there is the poop. I hate to talk about poop but in my quest to study what it’s like to turn vegan I have to take the lid of the toilet, so to speak.

So far, every poo is an emergency and it’s unlike anything I’ve poo’d before. When the feeling comes I have very little time to get to the toilet.

It’s the consistency that’s odd and I can’t quite think of an appropriate comparison. It’s airy. Air bubbles actually come up after it’s sitting in the bowl. The nearest thing I can compare it to is a shedded snake skin.

If you are brave I have a photo of it here.

Now, I’ve not been 100 percent vegan. I’ve messed up three times. First, I went to Cracker Barrel with my parents and ordered their “Wholesome Veggie Platter” which is essentially three side items. I got a salad, a plain sweet potato and baby carrots. I realized, after I already ate them, that the carrots were cooked in butter. Second, I made a milkshake for my wife. As I was bringing it to her, it started to drip down the side so I, reflexively, slurped a bit down. Third, I went to Noodles and Company and ordered the curry, spinach bowl thing with tofu. It was very tasty and, it turns out, has some milk in it. Other than that I’ve been 100 percent.

People have been generally supportive. No one has outright tried to tempt me into eating animal products. I’ve got a lot of questions about what I can or can’t eat and I’ve had some gentle teasing. The worst part was when I went to Zuppas and asked if a salad dressing was vegan. The guy looked at my face, then to my gut and back to my face in confusion. “How is a fatty like you vegan?” he seemed to think.  I think my wife is getting a little sick of it because going out to eat is much more of an ordeal than it was before. This world is set up for omnivores. Also, it’s more expensive than I thought it would be. I think I’d better get into the beans and rice mindset rather than the quinoa dried fruit salad mindset before I go broke. 

I crave animal products more than I thought I would. A billboard for a hamburger get’s my mouth watering- a literal thing that hasn’t really happened to me before. A whiff of hotdogs has me thinking the only food I ever wanted was a hot dog. The sight of a piece of cheese get’s me weak in the knees. You get the idea.

My favorite vegan recipe this week was a Tortilla Soup I got from the Forks Over Knives app. It was great. Throw a bunch of whole vegetables in a pot, add a cup of water, cook and then blend. It’s one of my favorite soups now. Recipe below:

Tortilla Soup

Ingredients

•   6 corn tortillas

•   sea salt

•   6 large tomatoes

•   8 oz mushrooms

•   2 red bell peppers

•   ½ yellow onion

•   3 cloves garlic

•   2 tsp ground cumin

•   2 chipotle chilli peppers

•   5-7 sprigs fresh cilantro

•   2 tsp smoked mild paprika

•   ½ tsp chili powder

•   2 cups corn

•   2 cups green peas

•   ½ cup green onions

•   1 avocado

•   ½ lemon

Method

•   Preheat the oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

•   Cut the tortillas into¼-inch strips and spread on the baking sheet. Bake until crispy, 20 to 25 minutes. Set aside.

•   Meanwhile, place the tomatoes, bell peppers, mushrooms, onion, garlic, cumin powder, chipotle chiles, cilantro sprigs, and 1 cup water in a large soup pot or Dutch oven. Bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to medium, and simmer, covered, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are tender, 20 to 30 minutes.

•   Remove and discard the chiles and cilantro sprigs. Transfer the soup to a blender or food processor. Blend until smooth.

•   Pour the mixture back into the pan. Add the smoked paprika, chili powder, salt to taste, and 2 cups water. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to medium and simmer until the soup thickens, about 10 minutes.

•   Add the corn and peas and cook until tender but still crisp, about 5 minutes.

To serve, garnish each serving of soup with green onions, cilantro, avocado, tomatoes, if using, and the reserved corn strips. Squeeze some lemon juice on top.

I made some changes. I used store bought corn tortilla chips rather than make my own because ain’t no one got time for that. I also didn’t worry about the garnishes like avocado and green onions. I added a can of black beans- it made a huge difference. I also didn’t use any cilantro- it tastes like dish soap to me.

There’s something else to talk about. How vegan am I going to be? Looking through various vegan message boards and blogs it turns out that some think I’m not much of a vegan at all. My shampoo, for instance, was likely tested on animals or may have animal fat in it. I eat products that have refined sugar in them and refined sugar is refined using bone char- like charcoal but with cow bones instead of wood.

The attitude of some vegans is trying to find a more pure level of veganism. No leather, of course (though I have a leather belt and wallet and don’t really want to spend the money to buy new ones), nothing tested on animals, no yard products that could harm animals. Nothing shipped too far just in case the transportation used hurt animal habitat. It can get crazy far.

The idea that there is a “best” way to eat is a compelling one, but ultimately flawed I think.  Surprisingly, and I never thought I’d say this, PETA seems to be the reasonable ones. I know Freaking PETA. I hate PETA almost as much as I hate Cilantro. PETA has spread so much misinformation about farmers and farming the active harm they’ve done is hard to calculate, but it’s big. I’m not endorsing PETA in any way, but their definition of veganism is one I can live with. For three months at least. From their website:

 People who have made the compassionate decision to stop eating animal flesh, eggs, and dairy products may wonder if they need to read every ingredient to check for tiny amounts of obscure animal products. Our general advice is not to worry too much about doing this. The goal of sticking to a vegetarian or vegan diet is to help animals and reduce suffering; this is done by choosing a bean burrito or a veggie burger over chicken flesh, or choosing tofu scramble over eggs, not by refusing to eat an otherwise vegan food because it has 0.001 grams of monoglycerides that may possibly be animal-derived.

We discourage vegetarians from grilling waiters at restaurants about micro-ingredients in vegetarian foods (e.g., a tiny bit of a dairy product in the bun of a veggie burger). Doing so makes sticking to a vegetarian diet seem difficult and dogmatic to your friends and to restaurant staff, thus discouraging them from giving a vegetarian diet a try (which really hurts animals). And we urge vegetarians not to insist that their food be cooked on equipment separate from that used to cook meat; doing so doesn’t help any additional animals, and it only makes restaurants less inclined to offer vegetarian choices (which, again, hurts animals).

So that’s my standard then- of course by that standard I still failed three times this week, but I imagine I’ll get better.